Therapy; a personalised gift
LETTING THE LIGHT SHINE THROUGH
It feels so precious to receive a gift when the giver has really taken you into consideration. When they’ve thought about what you care about; your likes, needs and wants. It might be the choice of colour or texture, a favourite symbol or motif, or perhaps it might be related to something they’ve noticed about you. This is why I liken personlising therapy to a gift, your preferences are held as precious and they’re a priority.
I like to work collaboratively so that we are never doing things in therapy that don’t feel right to you. This is so important to the process because we generally go to therapy when something isn’t feeling right. I know that it can be difficult to get an idea of someone before working together and I hope this will give you a feel for my way of working. Therapy can feel magical, and yet at the same time, knowing what your therapist is doing, and why, should never be mystical or hidden from you.
Our autonomic nervous system is shaped in early life, and it continues to be shaped by our experience as we navigate life. It does this by reading cues of safety and danger. This is why choosing a therapist you feel comfortable with matters so much, therapy is one of the experiences providing those cues. Although, feeling safe and comfortable enough to do the work can take time, the work can’t be effective without that; even if the therapist has lots of great resources and training to draw from. We need co-regulation and some understanding of our autonomic nervous systems to begin healing.
So, if we do work together, our starting place is to begin exploring the context you exist within and how your autonomic nervous system reacts to the different parts of your life, including our relationship and the work we do in therapy together. Without learning to understand what is happening and creating your symptoms, the many wonderful exercises we might use are left floating without any grounding in your reality. This is also why self-help simply won’t cut it for most of us; we need connection with a compassionate companion who can hold steady for us and invite new possibilities to our way of being in the world.
Research has shown that the vagus nerve strengthens memory storage in regions of the brain which regulate our arousal and feeling responses. It is also a kind of superhighway between the brain and many body organs, conveying messages in both directions. If this nerve is out of tone or damaged (by trauma or chronic stress, etc.), we spend more time in a stress response preparing to react to danger and flooded with stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol. This may lead to a host of physical and mental health symptoms, including chronic anxiety and importantly, it can be healed.
Our work would be grounded in talk therapy, which is both healing in itself and informs what resources may be helpful for you and when - even if that’s because you cannot find the words at times. There will never be any pressure as we can gently look at what unfolds.
Some of the resources we can draw on include:
Polyvagal exercises to increase vagal tone and gently bring your system toward spending more time in a safe, clear thinking, and socially engaged place.
Internal Family Systems work to improve communication between parts and get to know your core self.
ACT resources to find focus and reduce stress.
Therapeutic writing, including my own resources which I can share if they feel right to you. Your writing can be just for you, or you can bring some to our sessions, whichever feels helpful.
Self-Compassion exercises and resources to befriend yourself, holding yourself and the world around you compassionately.
Psycho-education, as learning about what ails us helps us move towards healing.
Mindfulness can be useful as your system begins to regulate and to increase your mind/body connection in a healing way. This does not mean long silent sitting meditations while anxious!
Sand tray (online) should you wish to explore themes more visually.
These and other options, can all bring healing when they fit with where you are at in your journey and feel right for you. I tend to work in this eclectic, personalised way so I can meet you wherever you are, and so we have options should we need them.
I wish you well on your healing journey!